Obtaining Clarity
In The Structure of Magic, Richard Bandler and John Grinder identify sentences as having both a ‘deep structure’, or actual meaning, and a ‘surface structure’, or apparent meaning. Misunderstandings arise when the ‘surface structure’ of a sentence does not communicate the ‘deep structure’ of what the sentence actually means to the speaker. Sometimes, the surface structure of a sentence may reflect ‘sloppy’ or ineffective thinking or beliefs on the part of the speaker.
In order to ‘dig into’ the deep structure of a sentence, Bandler and Grinder formulated the ‘Meta Model’ of NLP, a set of verbal tools that allows the user to understand the actual meaning of what a speaker is saying (which is often a surprise to the speaker himself).
In coaching, the Meta Model is an invaluable tool for allowing both the coach and the client to gain clarity on issues and goals. The easiest way to learn to use the Meta Model is by attending an NLP Practitioner’s workshop, although many people have learned it by reading and diligent practice.
While learning the full Meta Model (along with other NLP techniques) is certainly worth a coach’s time, in Influencing With Integrity, Genie Laborde credits John Grinder with the formulation of a ‘streamlined’ version of the Meta Model that breaks the technique down into five different ‘problem areas’ and responses to clarify them*.
| Phrase to listen for | Clarifying Response | Example Phrase | Example Clarifying Response |
| Indefinite Nouns | What noun, specifically? | ‘I want a job’ | ‘What job, specifically, do you want?’ |
| Verbs | How, specifically? | ‘I’ll finish this article by noon’ | ‘How specifically will you finish this article? |
| Modal Operators (‘Should, must, have to, can’t, ought, etc.’) |
What would happen if? | ‘We must complete the reports by the end of the month’ | ‘What would happen if you didn’t complete the reports by the end of the month?’ |
| Generalizations (all, always, everybody, never, they’) | All? Always? Everybody? Never? They? Which ‘they’? | ‘Everybody laughs at me’ | ‘Everybody?’ |
| Comparators (better, worse, easier, etc.) | Than what? | ‘It’s the better choice’ | ‘What other choices is it better than?’ |
As with most powerful tools, it’s important to use this technique carefully. In NLP courses, the Meta Model is usually taught hand in hand with techniques for obtaining and strengthening rapport with the other party. This is because using these questions indiscriminantly, without having a strong rapport with the speaker can be incredibly annoying. A further caution is to only use them when it’s absolutely necessary, in order to get an outcome that both the speaker and the questioner are trying to obtain.
*Influencing With Integrity also includes a terrific ‘syntonic’ technique for quickly learning how to remember and use these questions automatically.
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